For most of my life, I have had low self-esteem, or, in other words, no confidence in myself. Part of this was being told everything I did was wrong. As I’ve gotten older, I just figured I still had the same problem. However, my biggest problem is dealing with people. I’m not unhappy though I have a lot that I need to change. I was discussing this with a friend of mine, she too thought this was due to no confidence. Then she sent me a link to a page about low self-esteem. It showed the 11 signs of low self-esteem. She said, “I don’t think your confidence is as low as you think.” I clicked on the link and I was mind blown. I was opposed to most of them. I believe I can do anything. I rarely give up. I HAVE CONFIDENCE! YAY!
I was pretty excited. Well, I have confidence, this is great but what is my problem? I avoid people as much as I can. If I can find an excuse to not deal with anyone, I take that excuse and run with it. This same friend then sends me a link to a site about self-image. I suppose it’s something I don’t think much about. Self-image is how you see yourself. I’ve never understood the point of fashion or makeup if I don’t have to wear shoes I won’t. Then I finally understood the whole point of fashion and makeup. It’s not so much to impress other people but to feel good about yourself. To give you a positive self-image. This was my problem now. I don’t dress well, rarely wear makeup, just brush my hair (don’t fix it up). So to fix this I have to do things to make myself look good, not to impress anyone but myself. So that I can look in the mirror and say “I’m beautiful.” If you look good on the outside, you feel good on the inside.
About Dawn: My name is Dawn Matthews. I am a 38-year-old mother of a beautiful autistic child. I grew up in the US Navy and now live near where my parents are from in Western Pennsylvania (USA). I graduated from Oviedo High School in central Florida and got my B.S. in Molecular Biology and Microbiology from the University of Central Florida. I am now working on getting an M.S. in Leadership and Professional Development from Duquesne University.
Yes, I have found it’s important (especially being a mom) to take time to doll yourself up. When we get up in the mornings and take time to shower, put on makeup, and do our hair (even if it’s just a neat ponytail), we look better and feel better! Thanks for the post!
It helps a lot, on the bad days especially
Yes, it’s something I (and I’m sure most mom’s) forget about. It’s like once my daughter has what she needs, I forget I need things too. It’s usually a huge accomplishment if I get to pee, everything else seems like a luxury. 🙂
We are all on a journey to understand ourselves and others. Sometimes it helps to remind ourselves of all we’ve accomplished and are. You can write some of that in a journal if you like to read over whenever you feel down.
Yes, it helps to present ourselves to others and ourselves as worthy of respect. I’m an introvert myself, but I’m always surprised at how most people are happy to interact with me. That’s a great boost to self-confidence. Just putting yourself out there to talk with others is so important. Every day a little more progress!
Interacting with others who have a positive attitude towards you is a great boost 🙂
That is true. My daughter is autistic, so there are times we don’t go anywhere or see anyone. She has recently started school and I drive her and bring her home. At the very least I speak with her teachers and aids now during the week, though most of my interaction with people is online.
Hi Dawn & Linda,
Yes indeed, lack of self confidence can often pull us down so that it’s tough to pull yourself together again. I’m glad you went through that link and felt better.
I’d say that to fight the low self-esteem blues, you need to just go in there and do those very things you fear or lack. There is nothing like taking it up as a challenge and doing it, just like the make-up you mentioned and you’d soon realize that you CAN do it.
All it really takes is a little push that you need to give yourself and break those barriers – isn’t it?
Thanks for sharing. Have a nice weekend 🙂
Yes, exactly 🙂
Very true, I got my B.S. in Molecular Biology and Microbiology because it sounded hard (and I thought that meant you’d make a lot of money 😉 ), I am now getting my M.S. in Leadership and Professional Advancement because I think it will help me to deal with people. 🙂
Thanks for sharing your story, Dawn. I definitely see a beautiful person, even if you don’t see her yet. I’ve always believed when you feel beautiful and worthy inside – it just radiates outside.
Thanks for the comment. I’ll let her know, so she can reply hereself
Thank you Shannon! That’s so nice of you to say. It’s funny how I can look at my daughter and see this stunningly beautiful person, and she looks like me and I can’t see it in myself. I don’t want her to be like this, so I want to try and fix it now. Thank you again!
My Mom really did instill a great sense of self-esteem in me…. not over-confidence, but an ability to see my own self-worth. I hope I do the same with my son. Now that doesn’t mean that I never doubt myself, because I do from time to time.
I can already tell you have a beautiful smile and a B.S. in Molecular Science? An intelligent woman to boot!
🙂 I’ll let her know you commented. My own Mom was annoyed by my confidence 🙂
Oh thank you Donna! That’s wonderful that your mother was able to instill confidence in you! I’m hoping to do that with my daughter. Linda, I’m not sure how your mom is but I know my mom has her own problems with confidence and she is very very critical. I think if you don’t work on yourself, you can’t teach your kids how to have confidence. I try to use a lot of praise with my daughter. How do you instill confidence? I could use pointers. 🙂
I’ve had the self-esteem blues for years. Slowly but surely I’m getting over it but it’s taken some work.
Yes, having a low self-esteem can affect other aspects of our lives, been there done that my friend. 🙂
I’m happy that you’re taking the steps to make yourself feel better! Thank you for clearing up the difference between self-esteem and self-image.
Have a wonderful weekend!
I’m glad you’re on the way up 🙂 I’ll let her know you commented
I’m glad you’re getting better Corina, it’s definitely not an easy road. I realized recently that when I was growing up I had terrible self-esteem, but it seems to have gotten so much better. I would never have answered questions in school before at least a few people had done so first. Yesterday I was working on my school-work and I was the first person to answer any questions. After the fourth or fifth question I realized this was a first for me. Good luck with your continued self-esteem improvement! It’s so nice we can help each other this way. 🙂
I so relate to your post! In fact I could have written it myself.
And I agree that when we look good we feel good. Often times I will do stuff to my hair and my husband thinks why do you bother to spend so much time and money on it. It is to make me feel better and happier, that’s why. My next challenge is to deal with my weight again. On-going problem.
Enjoy making yourself look good and have a good weekend!
I’ve got some weight to deal with as well 🙂 Thanks for commenting, I’ll let Dawn know
Sicorra, it has taken me 38 years to figure this out. 🙂 My mother never talked about making yourself feel better, it was only about other people. I have seen men do the same thing, just in different ways. I too have to get a handle on my weight. There is a bee pollen supplement that is a great appetite reducer. I have taken it and it does suppress my appetite. I don’t have any affiliation with them, but if anything with weight actually works I try to tell people about it. http://flauntit.webs.com/ You can get it here if you’d like to try it. About 10 years ago I did LA Weightloss, it did work until I went off it. *shrug* That’s pretty common though, have to stick with it. Good luck! 😀
I’ve suffered with my fair share of self-image problems. I’m Korean and grew up in a predominately white community. There were times I felt out of place – sometimes by my own design and other times by the things friends said and did. It has taken some time but I finally emerged on the other side. I see a beautiful woman when I look at you and hope you soon see her as well.
Thanks for the comment, I’ll let her know 🙂
Thank you Tonya! You are beautiful as well, but you bring up a good point. Sometimes just feeling different can make you feel ugly. I lived in Japan for a year and a half when I was 13-14 years old. We lived on a military base, but it was hard to be in such a different culture (especially at that age). I always felt different no matter where I was, but I’ve learned that being different is a positive thing. I embrace it. Now I just have to change the self-image, which I think is the last step. I’m glad you’ve overcome your challenges!
I too, have been subject to years and years of being told I wasn’t good enough. When it comes from your own family, it can be especially hard. I’m glad you are taking steps to better yourself, for yourself.
Yes, it can. I’ll let her know you commented
Exactly Corrine, when you’re own mother says things like “She’d be so beautiful if she lost weight” when you’re 11 years old, you believe you must be ugly. My mom was always obsessed with weight. She was basically anorexic just not to the extreme, you could see her ribs though. After she had me she would only allow herself 3 pretzels a day until she weighed 93 pounds. I hope you are learning your worth now Corrine and are able to overcome the damage from your family. Good luck!
Hi Dawn,
Looks to me like you’re beautiful and smart, to boot! The distinction you’ve drawn between low self-esteem and low self-image is interesting. I share your experience of not bothering much with make-up etc. – I became disheartened about my looks when I was a teenager, because I felt I was the wrong shape, I was always hopeless at applying make-up and my hair was a disaster zone (only sorted in later life by cutting most of it off!)
I think it’s fine to dress and make up if it makes us feel better, but I also think it’s important we don’t define ourselves by the way we look. I feel very sorry for young girls today, who are under tremendous pressure to look ‘perfect’.
Thanks so much for sharing your story 🙂
Hi Susan,
I agree looks shouldn’t be the only concern. My mom is like that, appearance is everything. It’s how I ended up being the direct opposite. I’m trying to find a balance, especially for my daughter. I suck at hair and make-up too. :p I’m trying to learn though. You tube has some instructional videos to get ideas from. I don’t think it will ever be a priority for me, but it’s at least on my list of things to take care of now.
It’s unfortunate that our society pushes unrealistic body images on us, I think it distorts our own self image. I’m just starting to see that I’m not nearly as big as I thought I was. I look back at pictures of me when I was young and thought I was HUGE, meanwhile I was normal. It’s sad and something I don’t ever want my daughter to do. Thank you for your comment. 🙂